When ADHD and Narcissism Overlap in Queer Lives

In LGBTQ+ lives, ADHD often intersects with shame. Traits like forgetfulness, defensiveness, or rejection sensitivity can be mistaken for narcissism.

As I admit in The United States of Disconnection:

“My own strong ADHD and memory issues caused me to accept abuse that others would have recognized as abuse.”

This overlap leaves many LGBTQ+ folks vulnerable—but awareness can bring healing.

ADHD Traits That Look Narcissistic

  • Defensiveness = arrogance?

  • Forgetfulness = lack of care?

  • Rejection sensitivity = volatility?

  • Hyperfocus on validation = vanity?

But none of these are narcissism—they’re sensitivity responses.

ADHD and LGBTQ+ Vulnerability

  • ADHD amplifies susceptibility to gaslighting.

  • Familiar chaos feels like home.

  • Shame doubles when layered with queer rejection.

Healing ADHD + Queer Experiences

  • Self-compassion breaks the shame loop.

  • Therapy supports regulation and repair.

  • Queer community reduces isolation and stigma.

Gratitude Moment 🌿

Pause and name one ADHD trait that makes you powerful—creativity, humor, empathy. Offer gratitude for your unique brain.

Takeaway

ADHD isn’t narcissism. For LGBTQ+ people, the overlap can be painful, but healing begins with compassion—for our brains, our identities, and our resilience.

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What Narcissism Looks Like in Real LGBTQ+ Life

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The Wound Beneath the Mirror: Queer Attachment and Healing Narcissism